a day in the life....

so i've debated much about how to approach this public blogging business. i tend to be random, so sometimes, my blogs are a wee too personal or a wee too vehement. well, such is the nature of the beast i'm afraid. take me or leave me. it's all good here. and if i step on anyone's toes with my opinions, move your feet or try to stomp mine back...again, it's all good.

been thinking so much lately about all the pieces-parts of my life that ebb and flow and come together to make me whole, to make me ME.

relationships- my relationships are important to me. my relationships with my two sons; my relationship with my significant other and his family; with my sisters and their families; with my students; with my colleagues... someone i care deeply about once told me that i tend to keep folks at arm's length and i don't think i liked hearing that. but being the introspective, overly-analytical nerd that i am, i heaved a deep sigh and took a hard look. OUCH. WHAM! BAM!! He was right. Hmmm. is that such a bad thing? I dunno- there's prolly a good balance out there somewhere. a balance that allows healthy relationships and still protects the innards, ya know? am still looking for that balance. in the meantime, arm's length is still within hugging distance, so it's all gravy. and having said all that, i can still say that my different relationships with myriad peeps is a driving force in what makes me ME.

cooking- i grew up watching daddy cook and feed people, and i watched the dynamics of family...who can hate someone over spaghetti and meatballs? cooking is a part of me; it's ingrained deeply, and i've finally found someone who shares that passion with me. together we've created amazing food to share with each other and with the peeps we love the most. that kind of thing matters to me. i'd gotten to the point, especially after losing daddy, that cooking became a chore. my efforts were not really appreciated, and i started running slap out of give-a-dang. things are quite different now, and that spice is returning. that itch to get my tail in the kitchen and make magic happen is sliding back through my veins, and i like it very much. welcome back ME.

music- i have a pretty private relationship with music i think. i don't know that i intended it to be thus; it just is. when i'm deep into music, esp live music, i sorta seem to go inside myself and dance there where i'm safe. i internalize it instead of hopping around and sharing. i dunno if that is good or bad; i dunno if it has to be good or bad...it simply is. music has been my friend when i had no one else, my refuge, my port in the storm-- all that noise and more. you get the idea. bottom line is that music is such a part of the ME despite the fact i think i have zero rhythm and zero talent. i deeply appreciate and am moved by what i hear. maybe i hear the passion that frolics within the music and that is what speaks to me. hmmm, something to ponder later.

lifting weights- that's right, you heard me. lifting weights is how i begin most of my days. i go to the gym with my dearest friend and together we lift. lifting is just so very ___. ya know? so many words could fill in that blank. i didn't realize i had such a competitive streak in me until i started lifting heavier. i didn't know i'd find some success. i didn't know i'd like to sweat, to strain, to push my body til i wanted to puke. i didn't know i'd be kinda pleased about waking up sore- yeah, i know- that's crazy talk. lifting lets me push out the baddies; i don't have room for anger or aggression or resentment...it's gone by the time i leave the weight room. lifting helps me start my day off with a positive bang. lifting has helped me find ME.

teaching- oh my, what to say about teaching? sometimes i feel teaching defines me, and i know that's not altogether healthy. i sometimes can lose myself in my kids, in my work, in my planning, and in my zeal to shape and mold a little mind. teaching fulfills me in a way that few other things could. until this year, i woke up happy about going to school- wasn't like a job. things are a wee different this year; i'm not pleased with the direction i see our district going. i think i'd better leave it there for now- i won't climb on my soapbox today. i'd write all night if i got going about that particular subject. but when i'm with my kids, even when they piss me off to no end, i'm at my best. this is what i was born to do with my life, well, with this phase of my life anyway. i can be ME; teaching allows my strengths to shine and gives me a wonderful network of amazing people to help me grow. sigh, big ole nerd am i! hehe

these are just the major bones of what makes me tick, what makes me ME. so many more little things ebb and flow in and out of me that drives me, that changes me, that shapes me, that hurts me, that soothes me...

another blog perhaps